A 26-year-old woman’s insensitive response to her African-American friend’s refusal to attend her plantation-style wedding has folks shaking their heads.
In a now-deleted Reddit post, the bride-to-be claimed “all was well” until she announced the wedding venue to her bridal party, which included four of her “closest girlfriends,” a screenshot of the post shared by Twitter page @redditships read. The bride gushed over the “incredibly beautiful plantation,” saying she had been eyeing it ever since she was a little girl.
The Black bridesmaid said she expressed concern about her friend having a plantation wedding when her friend first began dating her now-fiancé. (Photo by Eye Em / Getty Images)
Not everyone was thrilled about her decision to host her nuptials there, however.
It wasn’t long after her announcement that the woman says she received a message from one of her bridesmaids, identified as “J,” informing her that she would no longer be a part of her bridal party.
“I love you a lot, but I have to bow out from being a bridesmaid,” J began her lengthy message, saying she considered sucking it up “because I love you dearly,” but simply couldn’t put her personal feelings aside.
She went on to say that when her friend first started dating her now-fiancé two years ago and there were rumblings about them being wed at a plantation, she immediately voiced her concerns to the bride. It seems they fell on deaf ears.
“I told you then that I couldn’t be a part of a wedding that happened at a plantation,” J wrote. “I firmly believe that all plantations should be museums that highlight the atrocious injustices toward my community. We talked in great detail about exactly why I felt that way [and] you told me that your love for me outweighed your desire to have a wedding at (plantation) and I wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
Moreover, J said taking part in the wedding could potentially damage her career.
“To be pictured and seen at a plantation wedding could cause harm to my professional reputation and, as much as I love you, I cannot make that sacrifice,” J said.
Despite bowing out, J still offered to pay for her half of the gown, take part in the bridal shower and enjoy the bachelorette festivities — if her friend still wanted her there, of course. She made it clear that her issue with the chosen venue “does not translate to issues with you and (fiancé.)”
“I love you both and I am so happy for the two you,” J concluded. “He is the answer to so many prayers that I prayed over you when it comes to who you’ll spend the rest of your life with.”
Unsure of how to process her friend’s message, the bride-to-be turned to other Reddit users.
“I remember us having that conversation, but I thought she was being overly sensitive and would change her mind when the actual wedding came around,” she wrote. “And while I know her degrees are in African-American studies, I find it ridiculous that her colleagues would judge her for being in my wedding.”
“How do I convince her that she’s being ridiculous and that what happened there was a long time ago and has no bearing on my wedding?” she added.
It didn’t take long for critics to set her straight, many agreeing that the bride was totally in the wrong.
“This isn’t a ‘white’ thing, it’s a ‘shitty friend’ thing,” one user commented. “BFF was candid & lovingly honest WELL in advance of wedding. Bride, assured BFF. Bride did it anyway and expected BFF to ‘get over it.’ Bride has shown BFF how little her friendship means — BFF needs better friends.”
“Lovely mature email from the bridesmaid; bride’s reaction is astounding!” another person chimed in.
One person wondered why the two women were even still friends.
“A wedding at a plantation???,” he wrote. “The same place where millions and millions of black people where raped, dehumanized, lynched, tortured and killed? Why is she not able to comprehend the insensitivity of the situation.”
The original poster said she has yet to respond to her bridesmaid’s message.
Read more in below.
My (26f) friend (25f) just dropped out of being a bridesmaid. pic.twitter.com/Nz0MD6WFnn
— relationships.txt (@redditships) September 8, 2018