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This Oscar Voter's Ballot Process Is Horrifying

Yesterday, THR ran a story about an anonymous member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences going through his voting process. His reasoning for why he makes each of his picks is sometimes sound, but mostly, it’s pretty dismaying to anyone who believes in good taste and quality in filmmaking. His logic is petty and baffling, and it demonstrates why no one should be taking the Oscars seriously. If a film wins an award it doesn’t deserve, it’s not because the Academy members are idiots – it’s because they’re part of an exclusive club that’s participating in what is basically a popularity contest.

You can read the whole thing here, but these are the worst bits:

On Best Animated Short:

“[Had not seen any of the films, but had heard good things about Paperman so he voted for it.]”

On Best Short Film:

Curfew is the least depressing of five films guaranteed to prevent you from getting laid, as I personally learned.”

On Best Animated Feature:

“So I guess it’s between ParaNorman and Wreck-It Ralph. So… [At this time he assigned the screen side of his iPhone to the former and the back side of it to the latter, and spun it on his desk.]”

On Best Actress:

“I also don’t vote for anyone whose name I can’t pronounce. Quvez—? Quzen—? Quyzenay? Her parents really put her in a hole by giving her that name — Alphabet Wallis.”

On Best Picture:

“This is a preferential system. I’m putting Amour at No. 9 because I’m just pissed off at that film. Beasts of the Southern Wild is a movie that I just didn’t understand, so that’s my No. 8. Les Miserables goes in seventh place — it’s not just the most disappointing film of the year but the most disappointing film in many years. Above that I’m putting Silver Linings Playbook, which is just a “blah” film. Django Unchained will go into my fifth slot — it’s a fun movie, but it’s basically just Quentin Tarantino masturbating for almost three hours. Next up is Life of Pi because of how unique it is and for holding my attention up until its irritating ending. Argo is gonna go in third place, but I don’t want it to win because I don’t think it deserves to win and am annoyed that it is on track to win for the wrong reasons. Actually, come to think of it, do we have to put a film in every slot? Because what I want is for my best picture choice to have the best possible shot, so why even give any support to the others? [He has his assistant call the Oscar voting helpline, finds out that voters can leave slots blank and promptly removes all of the aforementioned selections.] I’m basically OK with one of two films winning. Lincoln is going in my second slot; it’s a bore, but it’s Spielberg, it’s well-meaning, and it’s important. Zero Dark Thirty is my No 1.”

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