The Importance of Sexual Intimacy, Not Just Sex, in a Marriage

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As a clinical sexologist and relationship coach I counsel couples in marriage who are having difficulty with having a fulfilling sex life. Most of my clients will have invested years in marriage counseling already or come to the point in the marriage where they know a change must be made. When couples allow their sex lives in marriage to become boring, not important or sexless, the couple now becomes roommates rather than share in a marriage. One of the quintessential qualities about marriage is the ability to share sexual intimacy with each other. This is not sex, where a quick interaction takes place, but the deep connection through intimate touch that makes the bond in the relationship a marriage.

Many times working through the sexual intimacy other parts of the marriage will fall into place and all of the outside problems that were once a big problem can get resolved. When the sexual intimacy in the marriage can be nurtured and given the time to grow then the marriage will be successful. It is not uncommon after years of being with the same person, having children, that the marriage takes a back seat. The problem of course it that many couples lose the closeness that brought them together in the first place…

One of the exercises or as I call it “home assignments” that I have couples do is based on the principal of “Sensate Focus” coined by Masters and Johnson. This is where the couple learns the ability to explore each other bodies again in a non-threating way. One assignment that I suggest and you can do at home to get started is for the couples to get naked and lie on their stomach and have their partner just touch their back, then talk about it after. While touching your partner’s back it is important to think about how it makes you feel rather than to please them. Many times with this simple exercise it opens the line of communication between husband and wife…

Read more: Dawn Michael, Your Tango

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