While many Black women run away in terror from the idea of dating a single dad, there are actually many benefits to taking that particular plunge—things that separate the single dad from his compatriot, the single man.
Of course, the most prominent thing about him is that he has kids. Whether he is taking care of them full-time or he shares custody and only has them part-time, you can be sure they play a significant role in his life.
In fact, when it comes to spending time with his children, Black dads are more noteworthy in this respect than dads of other races. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Black fathers spend more time in their children’s day-to-day lives than dads from other racial groups. Although Black fathers are more likely to live in separate households, the Pew Research Center estimates that 67 percent of Black dads who don’t live with their kids see them at least once a month, compared to 59 percent of white dads and just 32 percent of Hispanic dads.
Instead of his fatherhood status being a huge, stinking minus, it could actually be seen as a major plus. The Huffington Post went straight to the source and asked single dads themselves why they come with more plusses than many women realize.
Writer Serge Bielanko told the Huffington Post that a single dad is not likely to become a creepy stalker. Virtually every woman has stumbled onto the radar screen of the stalker guy—and quickly come to regret it.
“Single dads have a lot on their plate,” Bielanko said. “They’re most likely not sitting around in their boxers, flicking through strangers’ faces on Tinder like some kind of bored sack of boiling testosterone, you know? In fact, if they’re doing it right (and many are), there’s no question in this world about who the most important person or persons in the galaxy are. It’s their kids.”
“You can be sure that he isn’t going to be way up in your world too soon,” Bielanko continued. “He’s freakin’ busy, man. Single dads know what love is (he’s got kids) and yet that very fact alone forces him to move slowly into dating and relationships, which is a very good thing, I think. That desperation of rushing into things is basically weeded out of the equation.”
Many Black women complain about the stoicism and lack of emotionality of the man in their lives. But that is rarely a problem with single dads, who have had many occasions to become better acquainted with their emotions with little ones swirling around him. They have also been forced to mature in a way that their single compatriots have not. For you, that means you are going to get a relationship with a grown up.
“Of course there are single dads out there that aren’t worth dating,” Kyle Bradford, a divorced dad of two who blogs at Chopper Papa, told the Huffington Post. “But a single dad that’s fully plugged into his kids’ lives, one who accepts his financial obligations, doesn’t bad-mouth his children’s mother, and owns up for his part in that failed relationship? That guy will probably be the best guy you’ll ever meet. More rare than a unicorn, should you stumble upon one of these men you better close that deal because you may never find another.”
Many women wonder how they will know what kind of father their significant other will be. Well, with single dads, your wondering could be over. You can see him in action, watch him brush his baby girl’s hair, observe him teach his son how to shoot a jump shot. You see that patience and sensitivity at work. And before you know it, you could fall in love.
“If you end up dating a single dad steady, well, my guess is that you’re probably dating a fellow who is really into you for some very good reasons, a man who truly appreciates the fact that somehow, in the middle of so much chaos and uncertainty, you’ve both managed to find each other in this world,” Bielanko said. “And when you think about it, that’s about as good as dating ever gets.”
But first you have to get the invitation to meet the kids. Once it comes, you know you’ve just leaped a big hurdle. Because it means he wants you to stick around for a long time. Just make sure you brush up on your own listening skills with a preschooler or a tween or whatever combination he has in his house. If he gets the impression that his kids don’t like you, um, there could be serious trouble on the horizon.